First of many proud moments.... and a month old!

Last night was the first night since I've been home from being hospitalized that I was able to take care of Sebastian by myself. Did you read that?! I said, by myself! Alone! 

This is a huge deal for me, because I hate having to rely on help. Which is terrible and given my schooling I should know better. But I'm more of a helper. I like to do the helping, not get helped. I have that on my list of things I need to learn to accept. However, in the meantime I'm going to toot my own horn! 

Last night once Sam went to bed, I stayed up with Sebastian until he finally dozed off. This was around midnight. Then he slept for FOUR hours. Solid. I couldn't believe it. Mainly because the previous two nights were rough. He was fussy and just could NOT get comfortable. One minute he wanted his swaddler off, the next he wanted it on. He couldn't make up his poor little baby boy mind. And there was nothing we could do to comfort him.  Around 4am he was up again, which I was shocked that it had been four hours. So up I went, and after a change and bottle, we were rocking and singing back to sleep. He actually drifted off faster then expected which was great. Once he was down, I of course could not fall asleep unlike my son. About an hour later I finally drift off. So from around 5am to 9am I was able to get a few more hours in! Woo!!! Then we were up for the day! It was a successful night. And Sam got a good nights sleep to recoop from the two previous crappy nights. I'm sure his work will appreciate a happier worker. 

Hopefully it's not a fluke and it just continues on. With me getting sick, our night time rituals got all switched around. Sebastian is used to the pack n play to fall asleep in. Soon I'd like to get him transitioned back into his room and into his crib, but for now I know that's going to take some time. And after my ill spell, I know I have all the time in the world. :) 

And onto other news... I HAVE A MONTH OLD CHILD. 

I cannot believe Sebastian is a month old already. On September 20th, he turned one month. ONE MONTH. I swear, I was showing the positive test to Sam yesterday. This whole year has flown by and it's been crazy. Crazy wonderful. I can't get over my baby boy. He's the cutest thing in the world. He just is. *swoon* 

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you...

When life throws you a curve ball.

Well, life has certainly been rough on this new Mama the past couple weeks! I shall start from the beginning...

Friday, September 4th. 
I wake up around 7am because the baby is crying and Sam's about to leave for work. I notice that somethings not quite right out of my eyes. I call for Sam and after debating in my head, ask him to stay home from work for the morning. I knew we didn't use all his PTO from when Sebastian was born, so a half a day wouldn't be too bad. I let him know something just seemed off and he told me to go back to bed, because I was probably just overly tired from staying up with the baby all week. I gratefully drop my head to the pillow and fall back asleep for a couple hours. We had his 2 week appointment later to go to, so I knew I could get a couple more hours of sleep in before that. And Nana was coming up that day before the appointment to go with me. Sam was going to be at work. Well, that didn't happen. 

10am rolls around and I notice everything is the same. Sleep didn't help at all. I sit up in a panic and look around. My eyes were seeing double, extreme double. It was causing my stomach to turn upside down and to be very dizzy. I stumble to the bathroom and look in the mirror only to see in horror that my right eye was completely deviated to the right. Just straight up checking out that side of my head. While my left was right where it was supposed to be in the middle looking forward. This explained why I couldn't see, but why was this happening?! I had absolutely no control over it, no matter how hard I tried. Which only scared me more. Thank God Sam was home, because after calling to him and thankfully him keeping calm we made a plan. My Mom (Nana) was almost here and the 2 week appt for Sebastian was coming up soon. When my Mom got home we explained what was happening, and she obviously could see it. Sam took Sebastian to his appointment and my Mom took me to the walk-in clinic to see what they'd say. 

After signing into the walk-in, a nurse came out to check out my eye and to let us know that they wanted me to go to the ER because they'd be better suited for what was going on. Which of course only made me freak out more, especially because the nausea was getting worse. I'm guessing from the dizziness of the double vision. I could also barely walk, it was throwing everything off. So, off we go. We decide to just go to the closer ER and get checked in there. We're there forever! At least, it sure seemed like it. From around 11am-5pm my Mom and I are at the ER. Here I have a CT scan, and an MRI with and without contrast. I actually found out that I am allergic to the MRI contrast dye they use, which was sooo much fun to find out. (Yuck!) They had never seen what was happening before, and all the tests kept coming back negative. The only test that came back saying I had something was a bladder infection, which I had been having no symptoms of... go figure! They start me on an antibiotic for that at the ER. One shot into the arm, and then 2 little bags in an IV to be exact. 

Sometime after 5pm. The exact hours are hazzy from here on out. The neurologists want me transferred over to the big regional hospital instead of the smaller one we were at. I was hoping they'd figure it out but they weren't and I just progressively felt worse as the time went on. Mainly because of the antibiotics because those TEAR my system apart. Anyway, I have Mom drive me so we can make a pit stop at my house so I can see Sebastian. I was gone all day, and I was going to be gone all night since they were admitting me into the hospital. It was the first time being away from my baby, which was a lot harder then I thought it would be. I definitely balled my eyes out like a little baby, mainly because I was terrified since we had no idea what was happening. Worst of the worst was going through my head. 

Once we got to the hospital and all checked in, they got me ready for rest. Antibiotics were hooked back up, IV line put in, and anti-nausea meds started because the dizziness was just awful. I was holding my right eye shut to avoid the double vision. Sam decided to stay at the hospital with me and my Mom went home to stay with the baby for the nights. The doctors thought it would be good to have an eyepatch over the right eye so I wasn't holding it closed so tightly on my own and I could relax, unfortunately they only had large metal ones that would need taped to my face. I am not a fan of tape. So, Sam ran and got me one from Walgreens or something like that. I became a poor dizzy nauseous pirate. 

From there on out, I was in the hospital for six days. During those days I had another MRI done, and another CT Scan. They tested my blood multiple times, and then I also had a lumbar puncture. The MRI and CT Scan all came back with the same results as in the ER, no changes. For the lumbar puncture they wanted to test to see if my spinal fluid was too high and if it was releasing some should help with my eye, and to send off to test the liquid. The only thing not crossed off their list was MS. They did see that my white blood count was much higher then it should have been so I was fighting off viruses. So, we had to wait. The MS test takes a week, which we have no heard back about. Either no news is good news, or they are just waiting until our check up appointment with the neurologist October 8th. 

I could barely eat anything through the nausea, I thought I was but later I realized when I was a little more sane in the membrane that I wasn't. I dropped quite a few pounds, which was the only positive. Everyday, thankfully, Sebastian was brought to my room so I could hold him for an hour or two. Which helped with my anxiety. With us not getting any answers, and my eye not getting any better, we were just at a stand still, my anxiety and worry grew. Whenever the neurologists would come in to talk I'd start shaking and having panic attacks. Thankfully, they could give me something for the anxiety. I'd never had anxiety problems like that before so it was definitely a new experience on top of everything else going on. 

Finally around the 4th day there they started talking about how the whole thing could be post-pregnancy related and I have extra fluid behind my eyes pressing on the nerves and muscles. So, to help that steroids could be prescribed and they would drain that. Well, on day 6 they start me on steroids. Which they would have done that on day 4! But, anyway, since they do the steroid route they decided I'd be more comfortable at home, definitely less anxious. 

As I've been home I've improved every day thanks to the steroids. It was really hard at first. My body had gotten so weak that I had trouble getting out of bed the first two days. But I got there. I began to eat a little more everyday to build my strength. However, another problem began to arise. The right side of my mouth started to have problems. It didn't feel numb, more like an allergic reaction. I started having troubles talking and since it felt like an allergic reaction I was worried that my throat was going to close. We called the doctor like our instructions told us to and they informed us that it's not an allergic reaction and that the steroids will also help that because it's most likely the fluid draining down my face. So gross right? And the creepy part was that as the days went on, I could 'feel' it behind my face. So gross.

Each day I did get better. I began to not need my walker, or the shower chair. I could hold Sebastian and not worry about dropping him. I could change him and then feed him. Then I could make a bottle again on my own! (Because with steroids I couldn't breastfeed, and it caused me to lose my supply which is fine. I'm good with it now. Thankfully.) Sebastian is a fan of the bottle, and he'd eating well. :)

My Mom was able to stay with me for two weeks during this healing process. I don't know what I would have done without her and the help from others that we received since being in the hospital and coming home. It has truly been a blessing to have all the help, no matter how out of routine it made our little man. I'd say now as I write this, which is a HUGE improvement from where I started on the 4th, I am about 90% better. I can tell something is still wrong with my eyes, I'm not sure if it's my prescription or them just healing the rest of the way. I have a feeling I'll have to get new glasses after this ordeal. I can't wait to be back to 100%! I don't feel quite comfortable driving yet so we've had to get a lot done while my Moms here so once she's gone come Monday I don't have to go anywhere for a while, or at least until I feel safe driving. 

It was probably the best, and the worst timing ever. New baby in the home. I'm in my cousins wedding coming up, matron of honor! And I've got a few appts that may have to be switched to a later date. But we'll see. For now, I'm so very grateful. There is nothing like a huge scare to make you appreciate what you have in your life. I'm alive, and I'm pretty dang healthy other then whatever the heck happened to my eye. My son is perfect. My husband said he would have still loved me even if I grew a lazy eye over night and it stayed, harhar. And I've felt the love from so many others. I am truly blessed.

Before I go, I should probably mentioned it's my husbands birthday. I hated that all this happened and I wasn't done healing for it. Plans got postponed, but I was able to muster the strength to make one of his favorite meals and desserts. (I hate how hard things are while healing. Exhaustion is the worst.) To the love of my life, my best friend, and the father of my child. Happy Birthday, babe! I love you. 

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you...