A Good Day

With my disease, I have good days and bad days. I celebrate the good, and relax on the bad. Well, yesterday was a good day. 

What happened? Well, let me tell you. It was a blast. My group of friends had their annual Harvest Party where we all get together and hang out, drink cider, eat yummy food, carve pumpkins, and play games. 

The first thing we did when we all arrived was hang out and relax as some of the food finished cooking. I should have taken pictures, because it was all amazing, but since I didn't you're just going to have to use your imagination. ;) It was a crisp day, in the high 50s so what better on a chilly day then chili?! We had two different kinds. White chicken chili, which was so delicious! Sebastian really loved this. And then a red beef chili. Both were amazing, and toddler approved.We brought all the fixings. Cheese, macaroni noodles, diced onions, frito scoops, crackers, sour cream, etc. It was perfect. What was even better? We also had cornbread and buffalo chicken dip (which is my jam!). After we all ate a little bit, then came the pumpkin carving! 

Joe thought this part was pretty cool. We were all set up in the garage on long tables to carve together which worked out perfectly. Joe sat at the end and watched everyone, and then decided to play with Mom and Dads pumpkin tops. (He even took a bite out of one, yum?) Silly boy. We had two pumpkins to carve and you can see mine pictured above. I thought it was pretty cool when I finally got done with it. Especially since it'll sit out front by our front door to greet people, not that we really have people over anyway. lol! Once the carving was done, we decided to head back inside and have dessert which was amazing chocolate peanut butter pie and play a card game!

Have you ever heard of Cards Against Humanity? The card game for horrible people? Well we found a card came (like an expansion) that can be added to it to make it even more entertaining. It's called Kinder Perfect. It's a game for parents to be able to laugh about the different situations they may face in their every day life. It's recommended to add some more hilarity to mix it with the CAH decks, and that's what we did! And they were not wrong, we were all crying by the end of the game from laughing so hard. 

You seriously need to check these out and add them to your collection if you like the game CAH. You can find them on Amazon. And make sure you like them on Facebook. They are fun parents that wanted to create a game that other parents might enjoy, and spend the evening laughing together about. It's safe to say, they accomplished that 100%! This will forever be added to our cards as an expansion pack when we play with friends and family. The only thing I wish it had were more red cards to keep playing before ending. Although at the same time, if we did have more red cards we would have stayed up all night laughing and not gotten any sleep! (But what's new right?) :) 

This has been another wild whisper, just for you...

Parent to a ONE year old!

Sebastian turned ONE on August 20th, and I still can't believe it. This year has had many ups and downs, and I cannot believe how much this little baby boy has grown! 

He's now over 25lbs and 30 inches and almost walking! He'll stand on his own and take a couple steps, but that's about it. He drops down and speeds away on his knees. He hasn't quite figured out that he can go even faster if he stayed on his feet. haha! 

We had a big party on the 21st, instead of multiple little parties to celebrate his birthday. We had family and friends over for a few hours, and we even had a bounce house! It was so much fun. Sebastian could have spent the whole party in that bounce house and he would have been completely content. hahah! 

We had the cutest little cake for him. It was a little bee, since that was his theme. 

And of course, he loved it! 

He was a big fan of all of his gifts, and plays with everything daily. I am one lucky Mom, because he is one of the most chill and perfect little boys. I'm sure someday he'll test my limits and heart, but in the meantime I'll just enjoy every moment with this sweet angelic little boy. 

This has been another wild whisper, just for you.

God doesn't give you more then you can handle.

You all know what happened a couple weeks after having my son, there's a blog post about that so I felt like I definitely needed to update everyone. About 8 months after what happened, I had another episode. The doctors came back and officially diagnosed me with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).

What is MS? MS is a disease where the immune system attacks the central nervous system, causing internal scar tissue and nerve damage. When the nerves are damaged, it disrupts the body's ability to send signals from one part of the central nervous system to another, causing MS symptoms. You can find tons of information on MS at http://www.nationalmssociety.org/. It's a great website.

What are "symptoms, episodes, attacks, relapses"? MS symptoms vary widely from person to person. Some people face mobility issues, vision issues, strength weakening, etc. What are some things I face? A big symptom people with MS deal with including myself is fatigue. My body is constantly in a state of fatigue which can make everyday activities harder then they should be, however I have the ability to still to push through. Some other symptoms that I have are headaches, occasional insomnia, heat intolerance, pins and needles in my left wrist & forearm, and occasional anxiety. Some symptoms go away as lesion become inactive, which has happened to me. During my relapse, which can also be called an attack, new lesions either from or old lesions progress and are "active". This can cause symptoms to flare up, or new symptoms to occur. I've also experienced dizziness, double vision, blurry vision and dimmed vision. Thankfully those have all gone back to normal.

Is there anything that can be done about it? Yes! There are many many people researching how to eliminate MS all together which is great. And while they work on that they have come out with 10 different types of medication available to help MS in different ways. There are Immunesuppressors, and immunomodulators. An immunomodulator is any substance that helps to regulate the immune system. This "regulation" is a normalisation process, so that an immunomodulator helps to optimise immune response. And immune suppressors do exactly what it sounds, it suppresses the immune system so there are less fighting cells in the body to attack itself. The side effects of MS medication are a bit scary so there is a lot of thought put into deciding which medication someone is comfortable with. There are IV treatments, oral medication, and injections. Injections tend to be the safest and with the least amount of side effects. Oral medications are the most risky, and require routine blood work because it can cause chaos inside the body. I personally after talking over everything with my doctors office and husband have decided on an injection called Copaxone. I am currently one week in and have a lot of hope that it will work and stop MS in it's tracks. My doctors are very confident in that as well. Copaxone is an immunomodulator, so it will not suppress my immune system but it does cause it to be less than it normally is. It is also an injection that just goes under the skin into the fatty tissue and not muscular, so that causes it to be much less painful and the side effects to be much less likely.

Does everyone with MS become disabled? No. It is something that happens though, and many people live out their lives without becoming bed ridden or needing to use a wheel chair. MS is technically a disability, however many people with MS continue to live their lives normally. You may not even be able to tell someone has MS when they do. MS is a big disease that is often invisible to the outside viewer.

When I first was diagnosed I really wanted to stay in the denial part, but I forced myself to face this disease head on and do as much as I could to help my life be as normal as possible for as long as possible. A lot of people with MS become depressed and I learned that shortly after reading up about this disease. I have decided to stay on top of it with routine MRI scans with my doctor and to keep up on my medication. I have also changed up my diet and will be trying to do as much exercising as my body with allow with my fatigue that I experience daily. Staying positive only helps me more each and every day. And I hope my positivity will help others battling this disease along with me.

If you have any questions or know someone struggling, feel free to share my blog or comment below with your questions/well wishes. It is definitely appreciated.

This has been another wild whisper, just for you.

The Journey Continued...

Well, it's been 8 months now, and somedays I can't even believe it. It feels like last month we brought home our son, when in reality it was over 8 months ago. He's such a good kid, and I cannot wait to see the person he becomes as he grows. 

While I was pregnant with Bastian, I had decided that I was going to kick my butt into gear again. Before we had gotten pregnant I was on a diet and had lost almost 60lbs. When we decided to start trying, I went off the diet program and ended up gaining everything back over the 4 months we were trying to conceive. It made me mad, but I used that anger as motivation. 

During my pregnancy I gained 22lbs. Which wasn't too bad. I was really proud of myself, I ate very healthy and tried to stay hydrated as best I can (without giving into those delicious desserts and cravings). When Bastian was born, I instantly lost everything I had gained with him. It was all baby weight. Woo! Then over the past 8 months I have slowly tried to lose weight. I am officially down 58lbs which is where I was before we had started trying to have our son. I've still got a long way to go and I know it's going to take time because I want to do it slowly. Why do I want to do it slowly? I don't want to shock my body. I want the weight to stay off, and I want to actually change my lifestyle and eating habits for the long run instead of just a quick fix. I've done quick fixes before, and they never work in the long run. This time will be different. My short term goal is to lose 65 more pounds. Then, I will reevaluate everything and see where I am. Long term, I just want to feel happy and healthy, not only for myself but for my family. And I know it's possible. 

I have a huge support system with friends and family. I couldn't ask for better people to be able to turn to when I want to celebrate my little victories. I can't wait to see where this journey leads me. Hopefully to a new mind & body of feeling happy and healthy.

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you... 

Remember me?

Yeah, it's been six months! I can't believe I haven't posted. Actually I can, but still rereading my stuff I should have definitely been updating this! So much has gone on in my life! 

First off, I'm still a stay at home mom, and I love it. Seriously, who needs adult time? Within the past 6 months I've managed to work out a great routine of having the house spotless and chores done all the while having a happy baby. Well, about that awesome routine? Yeah, it's about to change and I know it. Little man is SEVEN months old and moving around all over the place. He's not quite full blown crawling, but he's almost there. He's got the army crawl down pat. 

Some more on this little boy, we still don't have teeth but he sure does love his solid food! We haven't ventured into too many varieties, but Bastian loves; avocados, sweet potatoes, chicken, beef, apples, and pears! He absolutely loves going places, but doesn't enjoy being restricted in his car seat. Silly boy. He's a whopping 22lbs 8oz and 28 inches long. And we've already had our first freak out! Little man wiggled, rolled, and crawled his way over to the little gap between the recliner and couch (to get to the computer cords since he knows he isn't allowed to have them) and ended up getting his arm rocked on for a second. Scared me to death, but he's completely fine! That was yesterday, and it's as if it never even happened. Goodness. I'm going to have my hands full once he's more mobile... which will happen any day now! :) 

Other then that, I've joined up with Usborne Books & More! So far I've already met my first goal, which is exciting. It's been a month now and I am still loving this company. So many great incentives and bonuses for the consultants, and I never have to worry about selling a certain amount to stay active with the company. Not to mention, I looooove their books! We've already got a selection growing and even though Sebastian is only 7 months old, he's really loving them too. 

I'll just keep this update short and sweet... because Bastian's tired of playing by himself. So time for Mama to get down and play too! :)

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you...

First of many proud moments.... and a month old!

Last night was the first night since I've been home from being hospitalized that I was able to take care of Sebastian by myself. Did you read that?! I said, by myself! Alone! 

This is a huge deal for me, because I hate having to rely on help. Which is terrible and given my schooling I should know better. But I'm more of a helper. I like to do the helping, not get helped. I have that on my list of things I need to learn to accept. However, in the meantime I'm going to toot my own horn! 

Last night once Sam went to bed, I stayed up with Sebastian until he finally dozed off. This was around midnight. Then he slept for FOUR hours. Solid. I couldn't believe it. Mainly because the previous two nights were rough. He was fussy and just could NOT get comfortable. One minute he wanted his swaddler off, the next he wanted it on. He couldn't make up his poor little baby boy mind. And there was nothing we could do to comfort him.  Around 4am he was up again, which I was shocked that it had been four hours. So up I went, and after a change and bottle, we were rocking and singing back to sleep. He actually drifted off faster then expected which was great. Once he was down, I of course could not fall asleep unlike my son. About an hour later I finally drift off. So from around 5am to 9am I was able to get a few more hours in! Woo!!! Then we were up for the day! It was a successful night. And Sam got a good nights sleep to recoop from the two previous crappy nights. I'm sure his work will appreciate a happier worker. 

Hopefully it's not a fluke and it just continues on. With me getting sick, our night time rituals got all switched around. Sebastian is used to the pack n play to fall asleep in. Soon I'd like to get him transitioned back into his room and into his crib, but for now I know that's going to take some time. And after my ill spell, I know I have all the time in the world. :) 

And onto other news... I HAVE A MONTH OLD CHILD. 

I cannot believe Sebastian is a month old already. On September 20th, he turned one month. ONE MONTH. I swear, I was showing the positive test to Sam yesterday. This whole year has flown by and it's been crazy. Crazy wonderful. I can't get over my baby boy. He's the cutest thing in the world. He just is. *swoon* 

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you...

When life throws you a curve ball.

Well, life has certainly been rough on this new Mama the past couple weeks! I shall start from the beginning...

Friday, September 4th. 
I wake up around 7am because the baby is crying and Sam's about to leave for work. I notice that somethings not quite right out of my eyes. I call for Sam and after debating in my head, ask him to stay home from work for the morning. I knew we didn't use all his PTO from when Sebastian was born, so a half a day wouldn't be too bad. I let him know something just seemed off and he told me to go back to bed, because I was probably just overly tired from staying up with the baby all week. I gratefully drop my head to the pillow and fall back asleep for a couple hours. We had his 2 week appointment later to go to, so I knew I could get a couple more hours of sleep in before that. And Nana was coming up that day before the appointment to go with me. Sam was going to be at work. Well, that didn't happen. 

10am rolls around and I notice everything is the same. Sleep didn't help at all. I sit up in a panic and look around. My eyes were seeing double, extreme double. It was causing my stomach to turn upside down and to be very dizzy. I stumble to the bathroom and look in the mirror only to see in horror that my right eye was completely deviated to the right. Just straight up checking out that side of my head. While my left was right where it was supposed to be in the middle looking forward. This explained why I couldn't see, but why was this happening?! I had absolutely no control over it, no matter how hard I tried. Which only scared me more. Thank God Sam was home, because after calling to him and thankfully him keeping calm we made a plan. My Mom (Nana) was almost here and the 2 week appt for Sebastian was coming up soon. When my Mom got home we explained what was happening, and she obviously could see it. Sam took Sebastian to his appointment and my Mom took me to the walk-in clinic to see what they'd say. 

After signing into the walk-in, a nurse came out to check out my eye and to let us know that they wanted me to go to the ER because they'd be better suited for what was going on. Which of course only made me freak out more, especially because the nausea was getting worse. I'm guessing from the dizziness of the double vision. I could also barely walk, it was throwing everything off. So, off we go. We decide to just go to the closer ER and get checked in there. We're there forever! At least, it sure seemed like it. From around 11am-5pm my Mom and I are at the ER. Here I have a CT scan, and an MRI with and without contrast. I actually found out that I am allergic to the MRI contrast dye they use, which was sooo much fun to find out. (Yuck!) They had never seen what was happening before, and all the tests kept coming back negative. The only test that came back saying I had something was a bladder infection, which I had been having no symptoms of... go figure! They start me on an antibiotic for that at the ER. One shot into the arm, and then 2 little bags in an IV to be exact. 

Sometime after 5pm. The exact hours are hazzy from here on out. The neurologists want me transferred over to the big regional hospital instead of the smaller one we were at. I was hoping they'd figure it out but they weren't and I just progressively felt worse as the time went on. Mainly because of the antibiotics because those TEAR my system apart. Anyway, I have Mom drive me so we can make a pit stop at my house so I can see Sebastian. I was gone all day, and I was going to be gone all night since they were admitting me into the hospital. It was the first time being away from my baby, which was a lot harder then I thought it would be. I definitely balled my eyes out like a little baby, mainly because I was terrified since we had no idea what was happening. Worst of the worst was going through my head. 

Once we got to the hospital and all checked in, they got me ready for rest. Antibiotics were hooked back up, IV line put in, and anti-nausea meds started because the dizziness was just awful. I was holding my right eye shut to avoid the double vision. Sam decided to stay at the hospital with me and my Mom went home to stay with the baby for the nights. The doctors thought it would be good to have an eyepatch over the right eye so I wasn't holding it closed so tightly on my own and I could relax, unfortunately they only had large metal ones that would need taped to my face. I am not a fan of tape. So, Sam ran and got me one from Walgreens or something like that. I became a poor dizzy nauseous pirate. 

From there on out, I was in the hospital for six days. During those days I had another MRI done, and another CT Scan. They tested my blood multiple times, and then I also had a lumbar puncture. The MRI and CT Scan all came back with the same results as in the ER, no changes. For the lumbar puncture they wanted to test to see if my spinal fluid was too high and if it was releasing some should help with my eye, and to send off to test the liquid. The only thing not crossed off their list was MS. They did see that my white blood count was much higher then it should have been so I was fighting off viruses. So, we had to wait. The MS test takes a week, which we have no heard back about. Either no news is good news, or they are just waiting until our check up appointment with the neurologist October 8th. 

I could barely eat anything through the nausea, I thought I was but later I realized when I was a little more sane in the membrane that I wasn't. I dropped quite a few pounds, which was the only positive. Everyday, thankfully, Sebastian was brought to my room so I could hold him for an hour or two. Which helped with my anxiety. With us not getting any answers, and my eye not getting any better, we were just at a stand still, my anxiety and worry grew. Whenever the neurologists would come in to talk I'd start shaking and having panic attacks. Thankfully, they could give me something for the anxiety. I'd never had anxiety problems like that before so it was definitely a new experience on top of everything else going on. 

Finally around the 4th day there they started talking about how the whole thing could be post-pregnancy related and I have extra fluid behind my eyes pressing on the nerves and muscles. So, to help that steroids could be prescribed and they would drain that. Well, on day 6 they start me on steroids. Which they would have done that on day 4! But, anyway, since they do the steroid route they decided I'd be more comfortable at home, definitely less anxious. 

As I've been home I've improved every day thanks to the steroids. It was really hard at first. My body had gotten so weak that I had trouble getting out of bed the first two days. But I got there. I began to eat a little more everyday to build my strength. However, another problem began to arise. The right side of my mouth started to have problems. It didn't feel numb, more like an allergic reaction. I started having troubles talking and since it felt like an allergic reaction I was worried that my throat was going to close. We called the doctor like our instructions told us to and they informed us that it's not an allergic reaction and that the steroids will also help that because it's most likely the fluid draining down my face. So gross right? And the creepy part was that as the days went on, I could 'feel' it behind my face. So gross.

Each day I did get better. I began to not need my walker, or the shower chair. I could hold Sebastian and not worry about dropping him. I could change him and then feed him. Then I could make a bottle again on my own! (Because with steroids I couldn't breastfeed, and it caused me to lose my supply which is fine. I'm good with it now. Thankfully.) Sebastian is a fan of the bottle, and he'd eating well. :)

My Mom was able to stay with me for two weeks during this healing process. I don't know what I would have done without her and the help from others that we received since being in the hospital and coming home. It has truly been a blessing to have all the help, no matter how out of routine it made our little man. I'd say now as I write this, which is a HUGE improvement from where I started on the 4th, I am about 90% better. I can tell something is still wrong with my eyes, I'm not sure if it's my prescription or them just healing the rest of the way. I have a feeling I'll have to get new glasses after this ordeal. I can't wait to be back to 100%! I don't feel quite comfortable driving yet so we've had to get a lot done while my Moms here so once she's gone come Monday I don't have to go anywhere for a while, or at least until I feel safe driving. 

It was probably the best, and the worst timing ever. New baby in the home. I'm in my cousins wedding coming up, matron of honor! And I've got a few appts that may have to be switched to a later date. But we'll see. For now, I'm so very grateful. There is nothing like a huge scare to make you appreciate what you have in your life. I'm alive, and I'm pretty dang healthy other then whatever the heck happened to my eye. My son is perfect. My husband said he would have still loved me even if I grew a lazy eye over night and it stayed, harhar. And I've felt the love from so many others. I am truly blessed.

Before I go, I should probably mentioned it's my husbands birthday. I hated that all this happened and I wasn't done healing for it. Plans got postponed, but I was able to muster the strength to make one of his favorite meals and desserts. (I hate how hard things are while healing. Exhaustion is the worst.) To the love of my life, my best friend, and the father of my child. Happy Birthday, babe! I love you. 

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you...

Welcome to the world Little Man.

Twenty-One Hours of Labor.

One Epidural.

Twenty-One Pushes.

One Screaming Baby Boy.

A Birth Story

- August 19th, 2015 - 

I started having contractions around noon. They stabilized at 10 minutes apart. I went ahead and texted Sam about the contractions since we had plans that night to go to the movie theater and see the film 'No Escape'. One of the local movie theaters was having a special that if you were a rewards card member with them, that you could see the new movie for free, not to mention the theater was across the street from our hospital. We love free, who doesn't? From noon-6:30pm, the contractions stayed the same so we decided to go ahead and see the movie. Well, during the movie the contractions decided to go ahead and start getting closer. From 8-9pm they were consistently 5 minutes apart. Our birthing classes had taught us that we needed to go into the hospital when either of two things happened: my water broke or I started having contractions 5 minutes apart for a solid hour. 

After the movie we decided to head over to the hospital since it was across the street just to see what they would say. When we got there they admitted us to the triage part. We were there from 9pm to 2:30am. While we were there they monitored my blood pressure, my contractions, and the babies heartbeat. Sebastian was constantly fine, the contractions started to slow down, but my blood pressure decided to grow higher and higher. Most likely because I couldn't calm myself down from nervousness about possibly giving birth soon. When the contractions went from 5 minutes apart to 6-7, the on-call doctor told the nurse to have me walk around for a solid hour and to see where my contractions were. After walking around for an hour, my contractions were back to 5 minutes and lessening. Not to mention, they became more and more intense with every contraction. My blood pressure also had not lowered, which worried everyone helping me at the hospital. I've never had a problem with blood pressure, but I've also known people with blood pressure problems and knew the numbers they were telling me were elevated but not crazy high like they were making them seem. My blood pressure during triage was 150s, the highest it got to was 160s because they kept mentioned me stroking out which no matter how much I told myself I wouldn't do, it still freaked me out. Especially since I was still pregnant, so it wasn't just me it would harm. I was also checked three times to see how dilated I was, and it progressed from 2cm to 3cm before leaving triage.

The on-call doctor decided to admit me, so off the Labor and Delivery we went at 2:30am. Not only was I nervous, but now I was exhausted since I hadn't had any rest. Once we were in our room I was set up with monitors wrapped around my stomach again to keep track of the baby and my contractions. The pain wasn't too bad, it was there, but not enough to need any medication at this point. My goal was no medication, but if it got too bad I was definitely open for it. As a last resort. We decided to go ahead and contact my Mom who I wanted with me the whole time with my husband. She had a three hour drive, so I knew she needed to know right away once we actually got admitted. The on-call doctor went ahead and ordered me a cervical pill which should help thin my cervix out. They did another dilation check after I was all settled before the pill and I was still at 3cm, and only about 30% effaced. The pill takes an hour to work it's magic. Once that hour was over they did check me again, resulting in 4cm dilation and 50% effaced. So they decided to start pitocen (which is a induction drug to get my contractions moving along faster and harder). 

- August 20th, 2015 - 

Around 8am they contacted my actual doctor to let him know I was in labor at the hospital. Unfortunately, he was the doctor on-call for the day at the other hospital which was just down the road so he wouldn't be able to make it over. The other hospital was crazy busy with deliveries. I was stuck with the on-call doctor at my hospital, whom couldn't get over the blood pressure and stroking bit. Before 8am though, my mother did arrive, and we had gotten ahold of my Dad and he had arrived as well. I wasn't really expecting my Dad to arrive, but once he was there I was a lot more comfortable, just with his medical background. He immediately assured me that I was not going to stroke out from my blood pressure. 

The pitocen was doing it's job. When I got to 6cm dilated and 80% effaced, things started getting too rough. The pain was too intense for me to handle and I broke down and ordered an epidural. I was glad I made it as far as I did, once I had dilated to 4cm they had let me know I could have an epidural at any time. The epidural took such a long time to get, felt like at least an hour, but I do know that pain makes time stand still. I'm not quite sure how long it took the anesthesiologist to arrive, but once he did he got to work. Once it was in, the pain slowly dwindled away. Unfortunately, it didn't take exactly how it was supposed to, or for how long it was supposed to. It did work perfectly for a couple hours, which allowed me to get some sleep in. (I couldn't believe I actually fell asleep!)  

When I woke up, I was starting to get close. I was 8cm dilated and completely effaced. I started feeling the sharpness of the contractions on my left side, but that was still a lot more tolerable then how they were full force without any relief. After a little while longer, I felt so much pressure down below like he was already coming out. The contractions were very strong now and I could barely hold back the urge to push. I let the nurse know, she checked and he was there. The words she said I'll never forget. "Oh yeah, I can feel hair!" She went ahead and got a hold of the doctor, which was the same on-call one I had the whole time. Once she arrived everything started. I was propped up a little, I reached down to the handle bars, and the pushing began. Sam on one side, my Mom on the other. I pretty much kept my eyes closed the whole time, I couldn't really concentrate on any one thing or item because I could barely hold my breath and push for a solid 10 seconds. I was instructed to push three times, each time was for 10 seconds. Little by little, he moved his way down. 

Eventually on the 21st push, when I thought I just couldn't do it anymore and everyone was telling me he was "so close", he came. The big relief they tell you about, is real. As soon as he was out, it felt so much better. The burn and pain was gone, for a few seconds. I wish I could say that as soon as he's on your chest that everything else goes away, but that's not how it was for me. The doctor had started working the placenta out, pushing down on my outer stomach to detach it from the uterus and get it out. Once it was out, that felt better because she stopped pushing on me, but that's not where the pain stopped. I tried to keep my focus on the screaming baby boy on my chest as much as I could. He looked perfect. A little grey, but perfect. I could tell my husband and mother were just beaming, so if I had to concentrate on myself I could. Which, I did. As soon as they took him off my chest to get the official weigh and other tests, the pain started back up. The epidural was long wore off, and I tore bad. Not the worst, but enough to need stitches and numbing. Unfortunately, the numbing kept wearing off fast, so I could feel almost every stitch towards the end. It was like fire. I honestly thought it was worse then the contractions in that moment. 

They announced to everyone his weight. Sebastian was 9lbs 6oz. BIG boy!!! We were all expecting someone in the 8lb range, not 9. All his apgar scores came back the highest they could. His body was 21.5 inches long, his head 14.25in and chest 14.5inches. No wonder it took 21 pushes! Born at 6:04pm. 

After he was all bundled up and I got him for a while, we tried breastfeeding and found out that he's a great latch along with very strong. He had his eyes open, looking all over the place and he wouldn't stop lifting his head up to get a better view. We were all shocked at his strength. Guess I ate some pretty good food to strengthen him up while he was growing! (I did eat a pretty good diet of fruits, protein, and lots of veggies.) Since the epidural ran out earlier then expected, I could feel my legs a lot faster which came in handy because after about an hour after delivery I REALLY had to go to the bathroom. They had only emptied my bladder once with the epidural. The transferring nurse from delivery to post-pardum was amazing, Tina. She helped me into the bathroom and as shocked that I could pretty much walk on my own. I did allow her to "help" me though, just for her own comfort. They had me use a spray like bottle while I went to the bathroom to help dilute my urine so it didn't burn with the stitches. Thankfully that worked and it wasn't painful, just a big relief! After seeing all the blood and trying not to freak out, I got all diapered up (felt like a diaper with how big the pads were!) and got wheeled back out in a wheel chair into the room. I got to sit in the wheel chair while everyone else got situated for the move to the smaller room to finish recovery. 

Things started getting better and better once we made it to the recovery room. The nurses were great during our 2 day stay and our food was amazing. Compared to what I had just gone through, everything was a breeze. I could easily get up and move around the room, it was sore but in my mind nothing compared to delivery. The bleeding worried me a little, but after being reassured it was completely normal I just went with it. That first night in recovery I got to put my own shorter nightgown on, but used their underwear (which is amazing! Get all you can!). That first night was great. Sebastian slept almost the whole night. It was obvious had had a pretty rough day. Ha! 

- August 21st, 2015 - 

The next day he was still sleepy, but a little more alert. The nurses were going gaga over him, which felt great. I'm biased of course but he's the most gorgeous baby I've ever seen. He is just perfect. Other then taking ibuprofen and getting my uterus checked, nothing major happened on day two. We had family visitors which was great, so much love was in our room. That night however we did end up letting the nurse take him to the nursery because he only wanted held and both Mom and Dad really needed some sleep. He stayed in the nursery a good 5-6 hours, completely content and happy.

- August 22nd, 2015 - 

Day three started with feeding, which was starting to get sore. The lactation specialist came by and did say he had what looked like a great latch, so I didn't worry to much. I kept telling myself I just had to get used to it. Today we had a few friends stop on by to see, which was fun! Sebastian liked being passed from person to person but always loved ending back on either Mommy or Daddy. :) Day three was our go home day, so Sebastian got to wear his batman outfit with cape. 

The ride home wasn't bad, Sebastian slept the whole time. I sat in the back with him, watching the whole time even though he was completely fine and happy. 

- Home - 

While we've been home, things have been great and rough at the same time. Healing as been a process but I'm grateful with how fast it's going. Sebastian sleeps a lot, eats a lot, and then really likes being held at night. Hopefully as he gets a little older he'll become more comfortable with his crib and stay asleep in there longer. I've continued to breastfeed, but I ran into a few bumps along the way. Come the fourth day I was very very sore. To the point where it was too painful to have him feed directly off of me, I had to start pumping instead. Thankfully our pump could get some stuff out, just not a lot. So we started supplementing to help keep him full and comfortable. 

By day five we had our first appointment with our pediatrician and Sebastian had only lost 2 ounces since leaving the hospital on Saturday. He encouraged full breastfeeding but in the meantime said to keep doing what we were doing because it was good to do. As long as he starts gaining weight then he's eating enough. 

He has so many faces, and I'm definitely one of those Moms that takes LOTS of pictures. I just can't help it, he's the most precious baby in the world. 

We are definitely cherishing every moment. 

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you.

It's almost time!

Well, last time I updated this poor blog was waaaay back in April when I announced that I had graduated from school and Sam and I were pregnant! *queue the cheering* 

Now for the update: still pregnant! *queue more cheering* 

Yesterday I hit the 38 week mark, so it's definitely getting down to the wire. In fact, I'm having a little contraction as I type. (Whoa right!?) Don't worry, they aren't too regulated yet. Not to the point where I'm called Sam and saying, "IT'S TIME!" 

It's to the point though where we are so excited for this little man's arrival that he could come a little early and we'd be COMPLETELY okay with that. Like, totally okay. I have an appointment to get an ultrasound to check his size tomorrow, that should be interesting. About a month ago around 34 weeks I had what they call a 'growth' scan to see how far he's progressing and Sebastian was 6lbs 6oz, estimated. They did warn it's just a guess and could be up to a lb off, in either direction. (I'm hoping for the lesser direction!)

Oh, I just realized. I said his name, without a formal introduction. :) Let me introduce you to Sebastian Joseph Wayne. 

Now that that has been done, I can talk more about him. At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Not a huge deal, I had honestly been expecting. With a few diet changes and the help of some medicine, it's completely controlled. Which has been a relief. Anyway, back to where I was earlier. Growth scans. We're having our last one, I'm guessing last since I'm 38 weeks, tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers, toes, arms, legs crossed that he isn't over 8lbs. I have a feeling if he is, they'll want to induce. Which... I wouldn't quite be so objective too as long as he's measuring larger because then even if they are wrong they shouldn't be off by too much.

With my size, and how much this boy has been sticking his butt out, I know he's not going to be a small one. And with how active he's been... crazy thing probably has a crazy amount of muscles. 

Sebastian seriously moves ALL THE TIME. Which, has been a love/hate thing. Love knowing he's moving and okay. Hate feeling like a punching bag. Ha! But... seriously. I can't wait to fall asleep on my stomach again. It's going to feel like heaven. I just know it.

What else has been going on? Eh, nothing. I joined an awesome Mommy's co-op online. The ladies are AWESOME and so nice. Not to mention they really can snag some awesome deals. We're planning on cloth diapering, at least after he gets out of his newborn disposables and when we're at home, since I'm staying at home for a little while. Save up some money and they are just too stinking cute! We'll see how it goes. :)

Well, not sure what else to update on this time around. Maybe tomorrow I'll do a food blog, I haven't done one of those for a while, especially since we're trying something new tonight.

This has been another Wild Whisper, just for you.

How about an update?

It has been entirely too long since I've updated this blog. My life has gotten away from me, but not necessarily in a bad way. I shall elaborate:

I have completed Graduate school. It wasn't under the best circumstances, but I did it! And I'm receiving honors later this month because of my grades. I graduate with my Masters in Psychology, which wasn't exactly as planned but it's better then nothing, right? It is shocking how unprofessional adults in the psychology field can be, and probably other fields in higher education as well. I just noticed it more because I was being dealt nasty cards. What have I learned? That if you're going to challenge someone with a superiority complex, stand your ground even if it kicks you down. I stood my ground and I don't regret anything. I was kicked, punched, and thrown out, but in the end I can hold my head up high and show them that they made the mistake of trying to boot out an honors student that is in the top of her class. 

**I've also been advised not to speak of the things they did to me, but come on, seriously? After being harassed to take a lesser degree, do you really feel like I should stay quiet? No. I will however say that if you're looking into a human services degree and you see warning signs or feel them, transfer. Get out of that school as fast as possible, that way you don't go through what I did. No one should feel bullied by adults in control, especially when you're paying to make yourself a better person by going through higher education. 

Alright, now that that is updated, moving onto greener pastures. I'm pregnant! Sam and I had been trying for four months to get pregnant, and then bam, Christmas hits and we find out we're expecting! Of course, I wanted to get pregnant faster that way we could announce at Christmas, but that didn't happen. We made our announcement on Valentine's Day, which was just as wonderful. I am now 19 weeks along and it's been a pretty smooth pregnancy. During the first trimester, I didn't go through any morning sickness, just some occasional nausea which I could deal with. I'm a baby when it comes to throwing up. I hate it, but then... who does? Anyway, I'm a few weeks into my second trimester and the worst thing that has happened besides the occasional headache has been numbing of my legs. The baby has decided to prop itself on a nerve, causing my legs to feel like pins and needles. I've been doing some stretching and adjusting the way I sleep but it doesn't help. Looks like I'm going to have to wait this one out til he/she decides to move it's stubborn little butt off the effected nerve!

I've also started feeling little movements. Nothing huge, they remind me of muscle spasms. Like the little twitches one gets on their arm/leg or even their eye? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Those pesky things. But deep inside my belly. Which, as long as they are baby movements I'm good! If my muscles are twitching in there, then that's just weird. Around week 14 I seemed to have my first pop out of the stomach. I rounded out a bit, which was nice. I'm still hovering that fine line between looking like I've just put on 10lbs though, which is interesting. I've actually lost weight so far, but I've been eating healthy and my doctor isn't worried, so I'm just going to continue on doing what I'm doing. Judging from my facebook groups that I've joined, women do a big pop around 20 weeks, which is coming up for me. I can't wait.

We also find out the sex this week! That's something else huge. Sam's really pushing for a boy. Swears by it. I'm not sure though. I've always wanted a boy first. Truthfully, we'd both be happy as long as he or she is strong and healthy. Everyone always asks me, "Do you have any feelings to what it is yet?" And my answer hasn't changed. Nope. I don't. For some reason, I haven't been swayed one way or the other by my own feelings. I really just don't know. However, now that we're on the week we find out, I'm more excited then ever, and I'm hoping it's a boy. Just because I'd love to see the big smile plastered on Sam's face in the room when the tech tells us it's a boy. 

Hm... has there been anything else huge happen since I last posted? I don't believe so. I'm not working, out of school, pregnant and staying at home. Yepp. Covered it all. I did apply for a few teaching positions at different colleges in town. (Of course not the one I went to, duh.) It would be awesome to hear back, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Not like I have any experience teaching, although, I would love it. There has to be some more decent teachers in the psychology field out there. I'd like to be one of them. 

So, I always end these by saying I'm going to post more often. I think this time, I'm going to mean it. Since I'm home all the time, I'm going to have more free time. And then with a little one, this may just turn into a Mommy blog, but I will try not to bore you. This has been a good life-style blog of Ashley. From feelings, to foods, to school, and now family. It's everything I could pour my heart into. Thanks for being here to read it. 

And this has been another Wild Whisper, just for you.

Mac Book Air.

Whoa. Just... whoa. 

Today I switched over to Mac from PC. And it's quite interesting to learn. When I was about 13 I had my Mom's old Mac Laptop that was an old work computer of hers... lets just say if you saw it now you wouldn't know what it was. Anyway, I haven't had a Mac since, it's been all about the PC and I've thoroughly enjoyed them. There was no major reason for switching, other then getting a really great deal. 

Right now this Air was on sale at one of the local big box places in my town, and on top of it being on sale since I am a student I also received $100 off instantly.... big plus in my opinion! My wallet was happy with that. Not to mention I'm going to be starting my internship at the end of the month and I was really wanting something MUCH lighter then the huge 17" laptop that I was carrying around that I had received as a graduation present from High School. That reliable lady still works, which is coming in handy for saving all my bookmarked pages and transferring over all my pictures.

On top of trying to switch everything over I'm also debating whether or not to start on my "homework" that is due... tomorrow. But, all else fails and I don't get to it tonight I can just work on it tomorrow during the day before I head to class. Yay for night classes! 

Sorry about this pathetic little update. Once I've got everything caught up and transferred over I'm going to have to make a much longer update about my life. Nothing major has happened thus far, which can either be good or bad. 

One update, this past weekend my mother and I went to a family wedding. My cousin Molly got married, big shout out to Mr. & Mrs. Veenhoven. (I hope I spelled that right.) It was a beautiful ceremony and both bride and groom looked so happy the entire time. It was great. :) 

February Update.

I really shouldn't commit to doing these blog posts on a regular schedule. If there is anything I have learned from past experiences, is that I get way too busy to be a regular blog poster. From now on, I will post when I can post... because being a Graduate Student, or any type of Student at the college level, is hard enough on it's own.

I'm over my first semester of grad school, and I've got to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. I was definitely tested during my first semester through one of my classes. I really despise research classes. It's something that I really do not want to do in my future. I will not ever research something that I do not find interesting. It really isn't worth my time. I will do this through school because I am made to, however I do not plan on doing this in my career in the future. At least, I pray I do not have to. If I do... I will be screwed. 

So far this semester only one class has been testing my abilities as a future counselor, however, I have to keep reminding myself that this is only my second semester as a grad student and I should not expect myself to be an expert already... even though it seems like I am the only inexperienced person with counseling in my class. Almost every single person in the class with me is already in the field, which definitely causes some insecurities within my head. However, I am a great will minded person, and I do not give up, so I will proceed! Hopefully.... I mean, I will! 

On a happier note, I am fully enjoying my two other classes, which is odd because I really thought the class that I am having difficulties would be my favorite, and the other two I would have difficulties in... the world works in mysterious ways doesn't it? I do have to interview a professional in my field, which I am trying to set up now even though the paper over the interview is not due until almost the end of this semester, which is in April. I just like to stay on top of things, that way I can prevent future stress from taking over. Stress = no good. If you didn't already know that. ;) 

So, I have a list of things I need to accomplish for school before February 27th. I need to do a take home test, write a one page paper, video record a counseling session between myself and another classmate, write a verbatim sheet on everything that was said, and then also make sure the video is perfect for the classroom viewing, and... I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Seem's like a lot on my plate, but I've got a few days and everything is scheduled so I have faith in myself that I can get everything done. :) 

Why do I need to get all that done by the 27th of February you ask? Well, because starting March 2nd  (the following week) my husband and I are going to be taking a vacation with my mother and sister. We will be traveling to Myrtle Beach for a week long stay in a Resort Condo! We're all extremely excited about this, even though the weather isn't going to be the hottest. I'd actual prefer a little cooler beachy vacation then a sweaty hot nasty one. I'm not a fan of overly hot weather. My allergies tend to act up, which puts a damper on EVERYTHING. Any who, we're going to be driving across to South Carolina. I'm so excited to drive through NC and SC on the way. Since we want to eventually move to one of those states, it's going to be nice to see how the weather stands up, and the scenery. 

Speaking of weather, this winter has really taken a beating to really all of the states! Here in Indiana it's been especially brutal. Lets just say, I'm ready for the 5 foot snow piles lining my driveway and streets to melt away!! I don't remember what green grass looks like! It's quite sad. I've even caught myself getting excited for days where it gets up to 20 degrees, which is pathetic! We've been stuck around the negatives with this "Polar Vortex" hitting us day after day, but I think we're going to start breaking out of it! It's currently 26 degrees outside... at 10:51pm.... so that's a good sign!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for warmer weather! Not too warm though... remember, I don't like excessive heat! I'd be happy with no higher then 80 degrees. :)

And this has been another Wild Whisper, just for you.

Lasagna & Garlic Bread.

Well, here's my first real "foodie" blog! 

Tonight's dinner was pretty amazing

if I do say so myself. And it is SUPER 

easy to make yourself! I'll start with the 

Lasagna since you'll want to get that into the oven first. 

Start with these pretty simple ingredients: 

Lasagna Noodles 

Your favorite Pasta Sauce (I used 6 Cheese) 

Ground Turkey (Or Ground Beef if you'd rather) 

Cottage Cheese 

Mozzarella Cheese 

Seasonings - Italian, Red Pepper, Onion, Garlic, and Chili. 

And now to start... 

 Brown that meat! This is where the seasoning comes 

into play as well. Sprinkle a little bit of each seasoning. 

Except the Italian! So that's Chili Powder, Onion Powder,

Garlic Powder, and Crushed Red Pepper. 

Once cooked, set aside. 

This part may get confusing with the pictures, because 

I forgot to snatch a picture of the first layer of pasta sauce.

So the first step of assembly is putting a thin layer of 

sauce on the bottom of the glass dish. 

Second step, throw in those noodles, dry! I use uncooked

noodles that way they are not overcooked once it is done

baking in the oven! And it cuts a whole step out of the process. 

Next you'll want to pull out that cottage cheese and 

put a nice layer on top of the noodles. Put as little 

or as much as you would like. I tend to put enough for 

the cheese to cover everything except the edges of the 

noodles. That way it doesn't spill out too much. 

Now it's time for that Italian Seasoning, which is completely

optional! If you're someone who doesn't like that flavor, 

leave it out! Not essential. However, we do so I sprinkle 

it over the cottage cheese to give it a little extra zest. 

It's time for that Mozzarella cheese! If you like your cheese

feel free to load more on then I did. I just like enough to hold 

the dish together, but I could have used more. 

The final step is so easy! I typically do three layers

and then get to this step. You don't want your lasagna to go

over the rims. So after that third layer on top of the Mozz. cheese

you'll want to put on another layer of your pasta sauce and 

then top with more Mozzarella cheese. This is so you get that 

nice brown toasted look when finished. If you don't want 

to add more cheese, you don't have to. :) 

Pop that baby in the oven at 375 degrees for an hour

and you'll have a very eager family! The smell will drive

you bonkers!!! But it's so worth the wait. 

Now, you may have caught that I only used half of my package

of ground turkey. For those wondering how much to use, I made

a small lasagna so I only used a half a pound. That container is 1lb of meat. 

For a full 9x13 pan I'd use the whole pound of meat. 

Anyway, that leftover meat.... make a couple patties! 

These can be used to make a couple Turkey Burgers

or if you like a little meat on your spaghetti... 

or some ground turkey for some tacos....

There are many options! And since it's already 

in patties it's easy to access if you only want a little

or a lot. 

A couple other things you can do while you're waiting for that yummy

lasagna... clean the counter! If you're anything like me 

you got a little messy while assembling your lasagna. Plus, I'm a bit of a neat freak. 

Now, that only took about 2 minutes, so what else can you do? 

Set the table. You'll thank yourself later when you're pulling

the food out of the oven and the table is already set for you. 

When there is about twenty minutes til the lasagna is done

that means it's time to start the Garlic Bread. 

I never made my garlic bread this way until I met my husband. 

He's the Garlic Bread maker, so you'll see bits of him throughout

these upcoming pictures. 

Ingredients:

 French Bread (The type you still need to bake, but not raw.)

Green Onions 

Margarine (Or Butter if you prefer.) 

Onion Powder

Garlic Powder 

The first step is pretty easy. Take that bunch of green onions

and chop them up, all except for the end bits which you

can see in the corner of my cutting board. 

Normally you spoon some margarine in a bowl, but we

were almost out of our tub margarine so we just used the 

tub to mix the green onions in. 

After you've got most of those onions mixed in, 

take that onion powder and garlic powder and pour 

some into the mixture. Mix that together, add in any leftover onions 

on your board and make sure it is all completely blended.

Next, grab a cookie tray and slice that bread in half. 

Time for the buttery mixture. 

Spread it on, and don't be stingy! 

Really lather it on there. 

Last step, pop those babies into the oven on the top rack.

It needs to bake about 15 minutes with the lasagna for the 

buttery mixture to soak into that bread.
I know I said 20 minutes. So the last 5 pull the 

lasagna out and put the oven on Broil.

Pay close attention to that bread so it doesn't burn! 

It may not need the full 5 minutes. 

Make sure to check every minute. 

This is where you'll be glad you already made your table.

You may or may not have some of that buttery mixture left over. 

We did! You can use this for anything. It tastes amazing. 

Use it for when you make spaghetti and want some butter bread.

It most likely won't be very much, but hey, it's worth saving.

It's delicious!!! 

Now, back to the finishing meal! 

This is what happens when you overload your pan. 

I warned you earlier, don't let it happen like mine! 

It's going to be just as delicious if you do though. 

Like I said, watch that bread the last few minutes. 

You want it just as crispy as you normally like garlic bread.

Now... enjoy!!! 

Lasagna Directions: 

1. Cook 1/2lb of Ground Turkey, seasoning it with a couple teaspoons of Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Chili Powder, and Crushed Red Pepper. Once that's done, take off heat and set aside. 

2. Start your assembly. Take your pasta sauce and coat bottom of pan. 

3. Add a layer of uncooked lasagna noodles.

4. Spread Cottage Cheese over the noodles and sprinkle Italian Seasoning on top of the cottage cheese. 

5. Sprinkle Shredded Mozzarella cheese on top of the cottage cheese. 

6. On top of the cheese sprinkle some (not all) of your ground turkey. 

7. Depending on size of dish, do steps 2-6 another one to two times. 

8. On top of your meat on the last layer, pour more pasta sauce to cover completely. 

9. Sprinkle shredded cheese over pasta sauce. 

10. Place in oven for an hour at 375 degrees. 

*** This makes a good 6 portions. 

Garlic Bread Directions: 

1. Chop up your green onions, tossing out the bottoms. 

2. Take out 1 cup of butter/margarine and mix green onions in. If you do not have enough butter add more. 

3. Pour in a 2 teaspoons of Onion Powder and Garlic Powder into the butter mixture. Mix thoroughly. 

4. Cut your Bread Loaf in half and place on cookie tray. 

5. Spread your butter mixture over bread. Don't be stingy. 

6. Place on top rack for 15 minutes at 375 degrees. 

7. The last 5 minutes switch to broil and check every minute until it's crispy enough for you. 

And that's another wild whisper, just for you.